posted by Kristen Perrotti, School
Psychologist/Counselor
As the school year comes to an end, here are some tips to keep students interacting positively with their peers during the summertime. Summer months are often filled with play dates, pool parties, beach trips, family vacations, camps, and other social activities. While this is an exciting and fun time of year, these activities are often less structured social events than students would experience during the school year, thus leaving more room for misperceived social situations, social conflict, and hurt feelings. Below are some useful reminders to tell children before entering a social event.
As the school year comes to an end, here are some tips to keep students interacting positively with their peers during the summertime. Summer months are often filled with play dates, pool parties, beach trips, family vacations, camps, and other social activities. While this is an exciting and fun time of year, these activities are often less structured social events than students would experience during the school year, thus leaving more room for misperceived social situations, social conflict, and hurt feelings. Below are some useful reminders to tell children before entering a social event.
1. “Think Before You Speak”: Remind your child that it is ok to have our own thoughts. However, if the thought is hurtful, unkind, or not true, the thought needs to stay in our thought bubble (and not exit our talking bubble!)
2. “Be a Good Sport”: Of course it feels great to come in first place or be on a winning team, however, it is important to show good sportsmanship when winning and losing games. Remind your child that it is fun to play a game, regardless of who wins or loses. When children brag about winning, or have big, upset reactions about losing, they are less likely to be included in a future game or play date. Teach your child the following scripts to say when a game is over. Many of the same scripts can be used for both winning and losing…
When WINNING a game: When LOSING a game:
say “good job/nice game” say “good job/nice game”
high five/shake hands high five/shake hands
say “That was fun!” say “That was fun!”
ask if the friend wants to play another round say “congrats” to the winner
say “Thanks for playing with me” say “It’s ok, maybe I’ll win next time”
3. “Expected/Unexpected Behaviors”: Reminding your child of the behavioral expectations
prior to entering a social setting is important. Children need to be taught that their behavior impacts others thoughts and emotions, and in turn, affects how they will be treated (social behavior mapping). For example, “Today is your play date at Michael’s house! What are the expected behaviors for having a play date? (Listen to adults, follow house rules, share toys, play fair, take turns, be gentle with others’ toys, etc.)”. If your child is age appropriate and developmentally ready, further the conversation by asking how the other child will think and feel about his behavior, and how they will be treated. It is also helpful to go through the social behavior mapping for “unexpected behaviors”.
Example:
SITUATION: HAVING A PLAY DATE
Expected Behavior: Others' Thoughts About My Behavior: Others' Feelings About My Behavior:
-Listen to adults -The friend will want to come to my house -Comfortable
-Follow house rules -The friend might ask me over again -Happy
-Share toys -The friend might think I am nice/fun -Excited
-Play fair -The friend will want to be around me
-Take turns
-Be gentle/careful with
others’ toys
-Use good manners
Unexpected Behavior: Others' Thoughts About My Behavior: Others' Feelings About My Behavior:
-Say unkind words -The friend will want me to leave -Uncomfortable
-Leave the house w/o -The parents might not allow me over again -Sad/Upset
permission -The friend might think I am too bossy/mean -Angry
-Share toys -The friend will not want to be around me -Surprised
-Play rough with others' toys -The friend might tell others that I was too rough
-Argue/fight
-Act bossy/mean
-Break house rules
-Act bossy/mean
-Break house rules
